22. Boundaries

“Boundaries” is a term that gets thrown around quite often, but not without good reason. Some people may have a negative connotation to the word, but if we can start flipping the script to thinking about what we are “protecting” or “keeping safe” or saying “yes” to, instead of only focusing on what we are saying “no” to, “pushing out” or “keeping away,” we can prioritize and feel more positive about the boundaries we are setting for ourselves.

For example, if a family member or friend is asking you to do something for or with them but you know that you just don't have it in you today, by taking a rain check you can remember that you're prioritizing your mental health, your self-care and recharge time, instead of feeling like you are pushing them away or rejecting them. By doing this you're protecting what matters most to you, getting your own needs met, and therefore filling your own cup. Therefore, you are going to have more capacity to be able to spend quality time with others in a way that makes sense for you.

Additionally, you may find it helpful to go in with the expectation that other people are not always going to understand or respect your boundaries. This leads us to the topic of assertive communication and realistic expectations. We’ll chat about those soon!

— Emily Duncan, LCSW
Duncan Counseling, LLC
Therapy for bright young women in TN, KY, FL